Mind - Body discord

It happens sometimes that my mind gets sidetracked and completely overtaken by thoughts of different kind than working with body and directing its motion. To say I don't like when that happens during the practice is a mild statement. I hate it, I feel embarrassed, tears overcome my being. I surely don't know what to do when I simply cannot grasp the action shown or even see what is the difference between two basic moves.

Leg stretch
Universal step + Human-Heaven unity cycle

Foot stretch
Shoulder roll
Double palm twist walk

Implementation of double palm twist in combat (blank:( )
Fighting with tears (all the way until the end)

10-step
5 elements

12-hand posture (ping and he)
Standing stance

Closing the practice

Rain

Thunder and lightning interrupted sleep for a moment, brought awareness of disturbed rhythm. Nature allowed to take a day off.

Later, between two showers while walking the dogs I found a spot to do standing stance (zhang zhuang), two 12-hand postures and Dragon Spirit Moves Qi (shen l0ng hua qi).

Overall

Practice continues in the same style, mostly 5 elements before the bagua circle. I am getting stronger feeling in my dantian. On Sunday I felt amazing force taking my step further than usual while I slowly lowered my posture and looking for a feeling like in a standing stance. As usual, after new perceptions in practice, my life encounters a shift - yesterday a wave of sadness embraced me and I cried like I haven't cried for ages. Liu says my lungs are cleansing and I should do it at least once a week (cry, that is). I feel exhausted.

Today we mostly talked and I did 12 hand postures and 5 elements practice. I forgot to eat breakfast before so couldn't do anything else...

September 4

Practice:

Leg stretch
Universal step and
Heaven-Human unity cycle

5 elements

My stomach responded here with cold sweat and cramps - I caught cold during night and had to rush to a bathroom. Another set of 5 elements practice helped regain balance. The rest of the class was spent with Liu talking about relationship between humans and our actions - all related to comparison and somewhat competition.

September 3

Practice
Leg Stretch
Universal step
Heaven-Human unity cycle

5 elements

Foot stretch
Shoulder roll

8 Directions form

Practice close

My energy level kept changing during the practice. It rained last night and I felt fresh air in my nostrils. What a refreshment after long and humidly polluted air. Autumn, Metal, Lungs, Pi has finally arrived.

weekend practice

For weekend we practice in Ritan Park. I enjoy calm energy of Ritan Park, shades that trees give and cool feeling on my skin even when temperatures are high.

Practice:

Leg stretch
12 hand postures

5 elements (full and half set)

Bagua circle

2,25 and 2,5 weights while doing Carrying the Plate exercise. On Sunday I did it while walking the 10 step. Uplifting and amazing to find that strength in my hands. Interesting was that only my legs ached afterwards. My arms relaxed and light. Before each try Liu suggested to send qi to my hands and focus on dantian.

August 31

Practice:
Leg stretch, Heaven-human unity cycle

Long talk about skin discoloration and signs that can tell us that body is not well.

5 Elements practice
Pressure in my chest when doing Beng (element wood - liver) and Heng (element earth - spleen)
Feeling strong during Pi (element metal - lungs) and Zuan (element water - kidneys)

UB meridian stretch (foot against the tree)

Pain in my legs points out that my liver's balance is disturbed. That means there is excessive (yang) qi possibly blocked in certain spots. Liver also regulates skin (any skin changes would point out that liver needs attention). In order to balance it out there could be two approaches depending if we are talking about qi deficiency or excess. If your organ has qi deficiency to increase it refer to the creative cycle of 5 elements (Metal-Water-Wood-Fire-Earth) and look for the 'mother': e.g. if there is qi deficiency (yin) in liver (wood), eat food, touch more, practice more of Water (drink more water!). If your organ has excess qi then strengthen the 'child': for liver example this means increasing qi of Fire (more heart related exercises, heart meditation, drink dried shanzha - Chinese apple - and sugar cubes )

8 Directions Palm form
Quite ok, I managed to change directions and not loose my anchor (beginning and end of the form is at the same spot).

Closing the practice

August 30

Practice:
Leg stretch, Universal step and Human-Heaven unity cycle

2.25 kg weight while doing Supporting the Plate exercise

6 12 hand postures by choice:
Opening of heart & liver meridian, Big Heaven

5 elements practice

Stretching of UB meridian (foot against the tree)

For Evdokija

Last night I dreamed a red Mini Cooper or Suzuki Swift. I somehow realized that it had an oven instead of seats inside which didn't stop me - I just thought I needed to 'fix' it. Something like putting the pieces of puzzle together. After I managed to do that I entered the car to find it quite small for me - I occupied more than half of the front while K sat on the side without any complaints. I was wondering where would dogs fit in but totally happy that car was moving and I could use it to at least get to another stop.

Later today
Just now I heard from my sister that Evdokija Sitarica died in car accident. I experience shock at the moment, thoughts are triggering reasons to cry - not cry, remember - move on... Her name meant 'good will' in Greek. She carried her name with her own signature. My mother's best friend... I know she will miss her.

My dream comes to my mind. I chose to share it while others remain unspoken of (I originally posted it on the August 25-29 blog). I imagine their car heating like an oven. Her husband, the driver, survived.

August 25-29

Practice in Ritan:
Stretch legs, 12 hand postures exercise, 5 elements practice

Daily practice at the dog park - standing stance, 12 hand postures exercise and 5 elements practice.

August 24

Last night was dedicated to inspiring chats with ML who is leaving for India on Monday. I'll miss our weekly ramblings about life and universe. Around 2330 I cancelled today's class knowing it would be difficult to wake up at 0520. Still lack of sleep pressures my eyes like gravity pulling the apple on Newton's head. Today practice means to rest.

August 23

Warm up:
Leg stretch,
Universal step,
Unity of Heaven and Human cycle

Practice:
Forward kick step
Hind leg stretch (opening of UB meridian).
Shoulder roll - legs are tired, muscles are burning
Body roll
Bagua stance (walking) - I felt slightly nauseous after few steps. Liu says this is because my qi was blocked in my chest.

Combat implementation:
Main principles - aim hand towards the eyes to confuse the opponent, move as close to the opponent as possible, block hand and use the opponent's force to get them off balance.

Finish:
Closing the practice = Heaven-Earth-Human arm movement

Duration: 1 hour

Morning started with lazy body and tired eyes (played PS2 Marvel game until 11p.m.) but feeling very energized after the practice.

My balance

My balance is practice - early in the morning preferably, 6-7.30a.m.

I haven't practiced for a week, after mild appendicitis attack last Wednesday I took it easy and focused more on massage. Liu did cupping on Thursday too, my back is still shaded purple from it. Obvious discoloration of the skin shows clearly where the problem is. My whole Liver meridian seems to be inflamed (on fire, as TCM would claim). After cupping I got a flu, I can feel fire trying to find the way out while Liu chases it away with his healing methods.

Today I started with a gentle practice: usual leg stretch and Universal Step (step following the Bagua map) were followed by 12 hand postures and later on 5 elements consecutive stances. After 5 elements practice (Wuxin quan) Liu used a padded stick and gently tapped along my UB meridian (from the tip of the shoulder to the heel - on each side). Afterwards we had a talk about yin-yang theory, balancing of the 5 elements in nature, cycles and impact on the health.

Finished with 8 Directions form to relax and have fun with implementation :D

Once again I wonder why I stopped practicing for a week....

Ages ago I heard a saying: You notice a speck of dust in my eye but not a beaver in yours. I laughed so much, especially because it was said in a local dialect and those who understand would remember:

Mujo: "U tudjem oku truncicu vidis, a u svome, eh, ni dabra ne vidis"

Recently I was trying to pass remarks about seeing a beaver in her eye and she thought I was joking. I mentioned it again, she brushed it off, in the end I screamed: You have bloody beaver in your eye don't come that close to me!"

She got offended because I screamed.

From May to August

This month EQ calendar says MAY - STRESS
There are many writings on the page but from where I sit I can only see word STRESS.

I DON'T LIKE IT!

I skip May and go to ... August (had to skip June - Judgement, July - Sacrifice, all sound so negative): EXPECTATION

After all, if I was from another planet and there was nobody to explain how calendars worked, going to Expectation instead of Stress would only be natural.

My expectations for the next 3 months: I feel health, wealth, love and happiness, not more, not less, every day, in my dreams, just despite - relaxed.

May you have a relaxed May

Loving What Is

I love our 'massage talks' when Liu spreads his wisdom and engages his qi to flow through my meridians. Last night he was talking about loving what is without judgement, without force - just simply accepting it.

When people start fighting and arguing look at them as if they are 3 year old kids trying to make their point and it is so much easier to follow up with a smile. There are no rights and wrongs, there are no shoulds and shouldn'ts - it all is as it is. Learn to live relaxed, immersed in Now. Our conditioning to live and work through stress is result of confused mind that is looking for engagement. Water shapes a rock over time, fire destroys it, wind moves it. Accept the way of water and you will reach places where no wind nor fire can go.

His words lull me gently into the trance. When I wake up he is already gone. Was it a dream?

Heart Openning

It happened twice this month. First time I dreamt I swallowed toothpicks. The whole following day I had a feeling of dozens of toothpicks prickling inside my lungs. Painful, heavy feeling that lasted in my memory for quite a while. I wanted to forget.

Few days ago, again - just this time it happened with pleasant memory. I was having massage aware of the flow of energy. Like two-way stream it was simmering my qi gently, with light. I shared the experience with Liu Shifu and he only added few insights on what he does to make this happen and then the light burst out of my chest and shone in the room. I was ecstatic. I still am. The truth is, at that moment I thought I had the energy of the whole Universe, I felt soothing power of surrendering. Once I got out of the personalization of the experience I started observing around me and how my energy mixed with the energy of surrounding people, objects.

There was one noticable difference - I could see the end of my energy, of items in the room, even the awareness of the building and city. And while I was expanding my horizon a thought has appeared - I couldn't see the end of Liu Shifu's qichang (energy field). It was one with all.